Thursday, October 05, 2006

Something! Part II

(Be sure to read to the very end of this blog!)

A few months ago I met Susie. Many of you have seen her incredible blog designs and have decided that you are not quite content with the boring templates offered by Blogger. Seeing her work got me thinking about my life, my blog and my purpose. Yes, all of that from just browsing Susie's work. My friends and family know that I am a gal that prays about everything! And I do mean everything! Well, as I began to see Susie's incredible blog designs, I began to pray about changing mine. Was it necessary? Was it worth spending money on? Should I just be content with the choices given by blogger or should I make a bold move? Since I was not sure, I prayed. I do consider my blog to be an online journal, a record of my spiritual journey but even more, a ministry. Every single day I have emails come to my inbox from women all over the world. The fact that women want to write me and share their own life, thrills me. I take it seriously and I praise God daily for the women in my life that have come through this thing I do called "blogging." So praying about changing my blog was big and for a while I wasn't sure if it was something I really needed to do.

Then back in August, the Lord began to really show me some new things He was doing in my life. I knew He was up to "something" but I wasn't sure what it was! There was something I experienced that ushered in this new "something" He was doing. It was like all of the sudden, my outlook changed, my desires changed and the way I looked at myself changed. Last year I experienced a lot of pain in relationships. I hurt in a way I had never hurt before. The intensity lasted much longer than I expected because I just wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with the pain. In many ways I did give it up to HIM. I prayed God would allow me to forgive and move on, I prayed that others would forgive me and I wept daily for several months. A lot of cleansing comes from crying! Every single day I would ask the Lord to reveal to me what I needed to do in order to find freedom. The pain I was carrying was toxic and it was preventing me from wanting to be intimate with everyone I knew. When I would try to make new friends, it never went well. So I continued praying for God to heal my heart. Finally somewhere along the way, I began to feel that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me about this pain. Over and over again, I heard in my spirit one particular thing. "I am doing something. Your time was not wasted. This pain is a part of my plan and something is going to come from this."

We all know that time is one of the greatest healers when it comes to pain. Time gives us clarity, time gives us strength and time allows us to see the TRUTH. We can't always see the TRUTH when we are in the midst of the pain so we have to wait for that precious gift called time. Time granted me peace in many ways and as that process took place, I began to hear God's voice on the situation again. In the book of Jeremiah, there is a scripture that I love. Jeremiah 33:3 Ask me and I will tell you some remarkable secrets about what is going to happen here. (NLT) And that's what He did! The Lord began to unveil a whole new thing in my life for my ministry, my marriage and my role as a mother. He whispered secrets in my ear! I realized that I was created for something pretty great, but I had not positioned myself for that to be revealed. I truly was missing out! I had to let him USE my pain for something! So I repositioned and the Lord revealed an amazing thing to me. He clearly showed me that all the pain from my childhood was being carried over into every other heartache I had ever had. Healing was a must, it had to take place! Otherwise, every single time I was hurt or experienced disappointment, I would go back to feeling like that unwanted little girl. There was a yoke that had to be broken! My time with the Lord became a time where I truly listened for His voice and by doing that, I discovered that all of the pain, everything on my own personal timeline was there for a a particular reason. It was being used for "something"!

During this reflective time, I continued to really pray about my blog, Far More Than Rubies. As I saw the beautiful blog templates Susie was creating, I began to see a theme in my own life. I had gotten use to my blog template, I did not want to change it. Far More Than Rubies was something the Lord gave me, I couldn't change it! Since I was a little girl, He has been showing me that my worth is far more than rubies. When people hurt and disappoint me, he continues to show me that my worth is far more than rubies. When I disappoint myself or replay old tapes in my head from long ago, the Holy Spirit always whispers "My child, you are worth far more than rubies." But I kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking about the new revelation God had given me. I kept thinking about my passion to lead women to Christ and to show them how to find true freedom from their past. I kept thinking that maybe God was doing something completely brand new. In fact, I knew He was. There were things I had talked about in Far More Than Rubies that I did not care to re-visit or or go back to. I started realizing that it was the first chapter to many more to come, it was time to move on. While I had gotten used to my boring blog template, I had also gotten used to all of the pain and dissapointment I had carried around for so long. God had clearly spoken to me about so many things in my life that He was changing and there was a common theme I couldn't shake. So I continued to pray that the Lord would give me a new chapter for my blog, with a new title to go along with it.

That's where sweet Susie comes in! We exchanged emails, she endured my two months or more of indecisiveness and then she created my new blog. I knew that the Lord was showing me so many new things that I had to change the title of my blog. But I kept going back and forth. At one point I said, "No, I am not changing it. I have not heard from the Lord yet. I guess I am supposed to leave the title and enjoy my gorgeous new template!" Finally I decided to leave it and just use the old blog for now. I knew Susie would help me when I was ready. After all, the new design was finished, it just needed a new title!

Finally, this Monday afternoon I was spending some time with the Lord and my new title hit me! It was "something" that came directly from the Lord and my time with Him. The amazing thing is, the title is EXACTLY what the Lord has been trying to show me for the past full year. First it was Him showing me that my WORTH is far more than rubies and now it was something new! God was showing me that I was created for something! So, here it is! My new blog site, my new chapter. I pray that you will be blessed as you read a brand new chapter of my journey. What is that something? Well, you will have to visit the new site to find out!

Click here to be taken to the new site!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow... This blog was so amazing. I just skim-read the post but I can't even begin to explain how much you have just blessed me and ministered to my heart. I just started a ministry called Worth More Than Rubies. e-mail me please! God bless you!