(This is kind of a personal blog that is full of things only some will understand. I am finally beginning to accept this new season in my life and accept the new faces that have come with it. So, this one is for the women helping me along the way. I feel so blessed and so challenged.)
A few months ago we purchased new phones for our home. It seems that we have had a lot of bad phones through the years so this time we went all out! With a Best Buy gift card and a little money of our own, we splurged on Vtech cordless phones. So far, they work great! But I have a very bad habit! I almost never place the phone back on the receiver. (This drives my husband crazy!) Quite often I will be chatting on the phone and quickly discover by the sound of an awful beep that my phone will soon go dead. Quickly I find the other phone and realize my time is limited once again. For I found that phone off the receiver as well! So, I have two dead phones! My cell phone has a battery symbol that lets me know when my phone is close to being fully zapped of power. Why can't my home phone have that feature? Better yet, why can't I have that feature?
My Mom is a hair stylist and has met a lot of people through her successful business. A lot of people have shared with me how much they love going to her Salon because she makes them feel so special. Besides her being extremely talented, she is very giving. I know that anyone who has sat in her chair has been prayed for many times. You have also been encouraged or you have experienced someone who will just listen. That's what she does! It's more than getting a new style, it's getting a new look. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, she will fill your tank. But at times my Mom has expressed to me that people have come to her that have drained her. (none of you reading this blog, so don't worry!) She says, "Sometimes I feel like people come into my Salon, sit in my chair and attach jumper cables to my body. The entire time they are there, the life is sucked out of me." We have all known people who can do that to us. Guess what? We have done that ourselves. Some of us need a flashing light, a beeping noise, an indicator of some sort letting us know our battery is about to be totally zapped and needs to be charged.
Unlike phones, our battery can be zapped instantly. It's not always a slow thing to happen. At times we know that we are on the brink of emotional ruin, especially women. We know the days on the calendar, we know the things that will bring us down emotionally and even physically. For Satan loves to attack us during those times. But other times, we don't know! A comment made by another person, a sudden argument with your spouse, a phone call that brings bad news, some things just instantly zap us! Sometimes it's our own minds that do the zapping! Where is the beeping? Where is the flashing light? I thought I was fully charged!
For me it was one comment, one conversation, one person. Many of us have things will deal with in our minds and in our minds alone. Actually all of us do. It safe to leave those things in our minds instead of voicing them. But today, I am not playing safe. "I'm never going to be used again. Every time I want to jump back in and serve, I get knocked down so I am not going to try. I could never sing at this church, I'm not good enough. I am not a good wife. Why am I the one with all of the problems and not my husband? I am not a good Mom, I should be doing daily crafts with Josiah and reading more to Ava Beth. I am not a good friend, I am annoying. I am too loud, I talk too much." The list goes on and on and on and on. So yesterday, I was zapped. The conversation I had with this person let me know that I was not about to give myself to anyone or anything, especially church. "Why on earth would you get involved when really no one cares about you!" Then I thought, "How dare this person steal my joy!" Well, the person was ME! The conversation I had was with ME! No one else sucked me dry. No one else came to steal my joy! It was all ME! Insecurity will get you every single time. My voice tends to always suck me dry.
Today I have an indicator and right now there is no flashing light. There is no annoying beep. It's fully charged. Someone may come along and try to deplete some of my charge. It could be a family member, a friend, a stranger but more than likely if anyone tries, it will be ME. Just yesterday I heard my Pastor say, "Dream thieves usually come from within." The people that usually bring us down or tear our dreams apart will usually be our friends and family, that's just how it goes. But in my life, the dream thieve has been ME. My battery hasn't been fully charged. It functions well for a little while but then all of the sudden it goes dead. So, this week I don't want a battery that is charged for only a moment, I want it charged all week long. And I know there is only one way to do it, the WORD!
(Thanks LC for the charge you gave me while walking through Wal Mart last night. I am so blessed to have so many older women in my life now. Not OLD women, older women. I pray that I can let go of so much junk in my life and be more like the Karens, the Marys, the Ginas and the LC type! I have a lot to learn but I am glad God has planted me where I CAN learn. Keep speaking the truth to me. I need it!)