Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Obviously out of season

I absolutely love my house. I also love my neighborhood, my quiet cul-de-sac, the nice people and the tall pretty trees landscaping the yards. But one thing has really started bugging me. One of my precious, sweet neighbors still has a Christmas Wreath on the front door. I knocked on their door just the other day to give them a gift. As I knocked, I wanted to take the wreath and run but instead I stood there thinking, "Why is it still here? Have they forgotten? Don't they know it's the middle of February? Surely they will see it when they open the door to my knock and take it down immediately." Nope! Still there! So yesterday as I was pulling out of my driveway, they were pulling in. As I waved goodbye and drove to the end of my cul-de-sac, I watched in the rearview mirror. I noticed they were going in through the front door so I knew they were finally going to take the wreath down and pack it away for next year. NOPE! Walked in, closed the door and the Christmas Wreath remains. Each time I walk outside, I see it! The wreath is ruling my cul-de-sac! How can one let something remain that is so obviously out of season!?

Since March of last year, I have experienced one of the toughest, most grueling pruning processes of my life. I am ready for the Lord to bring it down a notch for a while! But, as He walks me through this season, I am realizing all the obvious things in my life that are out of place. I was saved at five years old and picked up a lot of bad habits along the way. Some habits were taught, some were genetic and some were just plain ridiculous. Attitudes we take on, beliefs we take hold of and mindsets that blind us from the truth. God has given me a name for my issue that does not belong in my life, CONDEMNATION. How can I let something remain that is so obviously out of season?

The past couple of days I have prayed for a word. "God, please show me what it is that has me in anguish. What is ruling my life? What is there that does not belong?" Yesterday morning the revelation began. The Holy Spirit began to take me back to High School and a mindset that I had about myself. The lies I believed in my mind and who I thought I was. As I began to take that walk down the hallway of L.D. Bell High School I realized that I was a seventeen year old girl who felt condemned. Many reasons play into this story and I will reveal more another day. But it was then that I began to believe what others would say about me. It was then I began my journey of defeat. My morals were in order, my relationship with Jesus was real but I did not like Amanda. It was that very season, thirteen years ago, that is being dealt with now. Things I believed about myself, lies that I believed have remained all these years. And now God is removing those things that have remained that are obviously out of season.

It's always comforting to actually see and feel the change taking place. Last week, I believe the Lord threw many things my way to see how I would respond and also to give Him the opportunity to teach. Every single day from Monday all the way to this past Sunday, something was waiting for me. Where was my mind? Where was my belief? What was the truth of every situation? My relationship with Jesus is so personable, it's so touchable, it's so real. He walked me through every circumstance and then He would stop and say, "This is why we are here. This is what I want you to see. This belief that you may feel, this idea that you may have about yourself, it doesn't belong. Let's leave it and move on."

I'm ready! I'm ready to remove all the things in my life that are obviously out of season. The things that don't fit, the mindsets that have held me captive, I want to be set free. I'm ready to leave it behind and move on.

Philippians 3:12 I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me.

6 comments:

Laura said...

Thank you for being so "real"! You bless me!

V. said...

Hi Amanda,

You might enjoy today's (FEB 14) devotional post over at :

http://www.rbc.org/utmost/

V.

Minnie said...

LOOOOOOVE it!!! And love you, too! :o)

Kelly Ann said...

Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. I remember those halls, those thoughts I had about myself as well. I also remember who and what WE were like back then. I love you and I am SOOO glad God has grown us both up into women thirsting after Him. Please forgive me if I added any of those hurt feelings to your life and attitude about yourself. I love you and thank you for being such an awesome friend!

Love you!
Kelly

Sonya Terrell said...

you always amaze me with your writing, Amanda! This ties in well with you 7 1/2 need an 8 post. so many things in my life I carry that don't fit and are "obviously out of season" and like you, God is showing them to me. Thanks for being honest and real, I need that from you.

Amanda said...

Kelly Ann, I hope you come back and see this. We walked the halls of LD Bell together, GO BIG BLUE! Remember passing notes, remember all the amazing times we shared. Remember Bedford Junior High? Spirit Parties, Joe Reeves(HA!), Nathan Foreman, and all the other loves! Our life was always life or death. I am so glad things ARE NOT like they were in High School. Did you ever think when I walked in the door of Mr. Glenn's Choir class that you and I would be Mommies together!? We looked each other over and loved and hated each other. What a journey we have been on together, I am so glad we were in those halls together and I am so glad that we have come full circle! From C Hall to H hall! :) I love you so much. You were smart to not kiss T.B.! :)What was I thinking!???