Friday, March 10, 2006

Your husband is behind you

Before I met Jeremy, I gave my heart away to the wrong guys and fell in love way too easily. While most girls fresh out of high school dreamt of going to college and having a career, I dreamt of being married and having children. My first relationship out of high school was when I first fell in love but I smothered him. I called him too much, I did too much of the work. I didn't give him space and I worried all the time that He would break up with me. I remember one particular day I was in my apartment where I lived alone and I waited all day long for him to call. This day I will never forget because my parents had just moved to Houston and I was alone. There was no one I had to comfort me or to tell me how stupid I was for waiting on a guy to call! Most of my friends were off at school and the friends I did have I didn't want to call. If I told one of them that I was sitting around waiting on a phone call all day, I would be reprimanded. So, I waited and waited and waited. Finally, he called. Any girl that's waited by the phone for a man to call knows the anguish that comes with it. And that day set the tone for our relationship, I was always the one waiting. I never knew if I truly was treasured or not. He was a great man, a Godly man and I learned so much about my relationship with Christ when we were dating. But, he broke my heart in a million pieces. After a couple of years of dating, after finally letting go and attempting to move on, my Youth Pastor that I had known for years told me something that I still ponder today "Amanda, you love too deeply."

After it was said and done, I moved on. I moved geographically, changed churches and met someone else. This relationship started out as "just friends". We sang at church together, we lead a home bible study together, we hung out together. But we were still "just friends." Naturally our relationship progressed and for almost three years we were dating, then breaking up, then dating, then breaking up, then dating, then breaking up. Again, I was the girl sitting at home waiting for him to call, wondering when I would see him, wondering if he truly loved me. I smothered him, I called too much, I didn't give him enough space and all of those other things that men say. Then after it was all said and done, after saying goodbye once and for all, a friend says to me "Amanda, you give your heart to the wrong people."

When I look back on my past and think about the experiences that I have had in relationships, I am so thankful for my husband! I can see now that there is no other man I would ever want to be with. While I was dating those other guys, my husband was dating many of the wrong women too. He wasn't even saved. While I was praying for a Husband and hoping it would be one of those Mr. Wrongs from my past, my Jeremy was searching for Christ. He wasn't ready for me yet and apparently I wasn't ready for Him. My heart had to be broken a couple of times! Then when Jeremy came along, everything came together.

One day while attending church, a new church I decided to try, I walked in and sat in a seat that changed my life forever. Who knew that it would be picking out a place to sit for a church service that would mark my destiny! As I sat down, I noticed a very good looking guy sitting behind me. My parents were in town and were there with me that day. But I was in no way looking for a Man. Finally I felt content, I really did. I wanted to be married but a few days prior I told God, "No more! I'm not dating anyone. I just want my husband." At the time I was going to school to be a Hair Stylist and I saw someone I knew. They came over and talked to me and that good-looking guy behind me spoke up and said, "Are you a hair stylist?" We talked for a minute and then he invited me to a Lifegroup/Bible Study that was at his apartment. During the service my mom leans over and whispers, "You need to find out of that guy behind us has a girlfriend. HE IS CUTE!" My Mom's comment actually annoyed me. I didn't want to be distracted but deep down, I wondered if he had a girlfriend too. He did talk to me and invite me to his house for a bible study so maybe...... NO, I'm not going to date! Then as I listened to the pastor's message about how we need people in our life that will replenish us, how two are better than one, etc. I heard something. "Your husband is behind you." Okay God, now is that you talking to me or is my mom still whispering in my ear? We've talked about this God, I'm not dating so don't let my mind start telling me crazy stuff. I am sure Billy Graham knew the second he met His wife but there is no way you would tell me that my husband is here today in this service behind me. And there is no way it's this gorgeous guy behind me. He won't like me, he's too cute!

Two weeks later, we were dating (February). Yes, the good-looking guy behind me actually LIKED ME! My self esteem was shot back then so I thought there was no way anyone would like me but He did!! In less than three months we were engaged (April/Easter weekend) and in August we had a beautiful Wedding! And now we have Josiah and Ava Beth, our babies.

I loved deeply, I gave my heart away and it's been in safe keeping ever since. So all of you single gals, love deeply (don't give it ALL and you know what I mean!) because someday it's gonna be to the one God has chosen for you. You may get hurt a little on the way but eventually your love with lead you to the right one. No regrets! I have loved and I have lost but my heart is safe with Jeremy. He is more than I ever could have imagined. He's never told me to give Him his space or back off or don't call him too much. I have been me and just me and he has loved me just as I am. He has made me understand that I don't have to be something that I'm not or change a apart of who I am. I can love deeply and give my heart completely. Love deeply.

This Sunday, choose your seat carefully! For you never know when your husband is behind you!



12 comments:

Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

What a wonderful post. Again, we sound alot alike. I loved to quickly and all that stuff too. Especially my first boyfriend (yeah, after high school. I didn't date anyone until after high school). But it was when i TOO was content, and NOT LOOKING that I found my husband.

Anonymous said...

Hey there!
Just getting caught up on all your Blogs. Cruise was fun - we had a great time! I know you are looking forward to yours.
I love this post - it is so true!
I had just come out of a horrible relationship when I met Frank! The LAST thing I wanted was to date or get married or be in LOVE - but I just went with it! And I am so glad I did!

Nancy

Faith said...

Amanda, what a precious story. God is good.

Kelly Ann said...

I love hearing this story. We've talked about it a few times, but I never get tired of hearing it!! I love it!! I just realized we have something else in common...Jeremy was sitting behind you in church and Alf was sitting behind me in class at TCJC. Little did we know!! God is SO good!!

Amanda said...

Kelly Ann, as you know there is way more to this story and it is awesome to hear. God did a miracle that day! Oh and i always forget about my days at Tarrant County Junior College. We didn't have any classes together but thank goodness you had one with Alfred!!!

Gwen said...

What a beautiful story!!! Thank you for sharing it!

Michelle said...

Hi. I'm new to your blog - through Christy. That was a powerful post! I hope to have some free time to read the rest of your blog (after that, it's a must!) & maybe one day, I'll write my love story!!

Anonymous said...

sooo sooo sooo true. I used to pray and pray, please let me find someone, but i remember my mom telling me, its not on YOUR time it is on God's time. When he thinks you are ready he will send someone to you. I remember meeting David, it was like WOW, does this man really exist? We always say that we are twins separated at birth ten years apart! LOL! I love ya! I guess i will see you in a couple of weeks at Chantell's baby shower. No I havent sent the invites yet, but i will soon!! plus we need to plan a jewelry party at my house!

Amanda said...

Okay my long lost cousin! I did not even KNOW Chantelle was PREGANT! When is she due? I am so happy for them!! When is the shower? I want to come!! Also, obviously you don't keep up with me because I'm not selling jewelry anymore. But I do want to see BEFORE the Davis reunion. We need to have a practice so we can beat those other Davis'!!! We will win 1st place this year, we will! We need to get our uniforms made soon! HA!

Cara Bellah said...

Aww, I want uniforms, I will be the coach, I am so sad that i cant play!! Long lost cousin HA! works both ways sister! I am practicing guitar i am getting somewhat good, maybe we can do a duet on the Friday night stage! HEHEHE

Amanda said...

Cara, what can I possibly sing? I'll Fly away has been done way too many times. :)

cara bellah said...

Um, Helloooo, we can john and june, or I LOVE ME SOME KELLY CLARKSON!!!!!!!!