Friday, March 31, 2006
Home from vacation
It's all a blur, our vacation went by so fast! But a five night cruise was almost too long for me anyway. I can't even begin to explain how much I missed my babies. What can I say? I'm a sucker for my kids! Many moms told me, "Just get away. They will be fine. You need this vacation." All those that gave advice were totally right, however, I missed them and thought of them constantly. God really knows how to speak to me and it is almost always through my kids. I know he longs for me to come running his way when I have been on my own for a while. He never quits thinking about us, never. It was a joy to see my kids running to the car to see me when we arrived home. I know my Heavenly Father can relate.
This was our second cruise and it was wonderful. If you know me very well, you know that I love striking up conversations with total strangers. While standing in line at the sushi bar, laying out by the pool, riding the bus for a shore tour or waiting in line for customs, I made some friends and came home with some business cards. I love meeting new people and I am so glad that God gave me the gift of gab. Sometimes it seems that I most comfortable with those that really don't know me. Aren't we all!? It's amazing how sometimes God has to take us to Mexico to reveal some things about ourselves. Through this trip I have discovered that I am a much better evangelist and not a very good minister. I don't really mean that in the formal way it sounds. I just struggle so much with maintaining my relationships and commitments. It's so much easier to become buddies with a stranger in the sushi line than trying to keep things strong with those that I love so much.
For some reason it is a struggle to relax. If I wasn't out on deck or attending a show or party, I felt like I was missing out. But after a while I got so tired and decided to just to go the room and take a few naps. When I am at home, I day dream about laying on the couch and watching a movie with no interruptions so I did just that. I went to the room on the days we were at sea and watched movies and slept. I enjoyed every single second of it! Now that was a vacation! Sometimes I live too much for the big events in life, I need to learn to go with the flow and enjoy the naps in life. Learning to relax, now that's a hard thing for me!
I have been singing my whole life and very early on in life, I adored the stage and the bright lights. I love a big crowd and the bigger the better! But on this cruise I did something that brought great fear! My friend Laura, wrote my name down on a piece paper, made me choose a song to sing and then handed it to the karaoke DJ. First let me say that I love to sing but singing in front of hundreds of people while on vacation is a different story. Almost everyone in the room, except for the four of us that were on vacation together, were a bit buzzed. So I knew if for some reason the song didn't go my way, I would hear about it from the crowd. The room was packed, many names were called before mine. Then all of the sudden I hear the DJ shout my name into the microphone. "Come on up Amanda!" All of the crowd began to hoot and holler, why wouldn't they!? Just kidding, they were buzzed, remember? Anyway, as I stood at the microphone the DJ says "Amanda, I can't find the song so just tell a joke or something." Here was my chance to be the silly, loud me and all I could say was, "I'm too scared." Finally the music starts and I sang Cheryl Crow's Soak up the Sun. The person I followed was horrible, thankfully. So, I was pretty sure I would be okay. As my heart pounded and my hands shook, I sang and I sang it pretty good! The crowd cheered and the DJ thanked me over and over again. Apparently I was the first person of the night that knew how to sing. I was terrified, I didn't go back the rest of the trip but it was fun! Why was I so afraid of doing something I am confident I know I can do? Thank you Lord for the shaking hands and pounding heart! Even though I was singing in a room full of drunks, I was solely depending on the Lord to help me out! Thanks Laura for making me do something I was terrified of doing! I guess I'm not as confident as I thought and I think that's a good thing.
Well, what a trip! The last thing I want to do right now is be on a boat again but now we are off to the lake with the kids. It's my husbands last day of vacation, so I gotta go with the flow and do what HE wants to do! Still working on that one. So until the room quits swaying back and forth and until I'm walking straight, bon voyage!
(Thank you Jeremy for the cruise! It was a wonderful 30th birthday gift! I love you so much and thank you for always being my best friend. I loved spending every minute with you on the cruise. I am so blessed to have you for my husband!)