Tuesday, April 18, 2006

God has a plan for your life

When I was in junior high and high school, I had a precious friend. She was different and not like anyone else. While all the girls including myself were involved in silly gossip and struggles with boys, she was not. She must have been studying because she was our Valedictorian out of about six hundred people. There was never a time I heard her say something bad about someone. Never! It's not that I don't remember, it's that she never did. We were close friends and at times we spent a lot of time together. Her family was one I adored. Her Dad was a Pastor of a church in the community and everyone knew who they were. Their reputation was gold. I always felt honored to be her friend and I longed to have the family she did. I know it wasn't perfect but I know that this family loved each other more than anything. One night she had spent the night at my house and we walked to the donut store when we woke up. That morning I was extremely upset about some stuff at home and I felt hopeless. I kept wishing I had a family like her's but I knew that when I returned home, the trouble would still be there. When she returned home, it would not. As we walked to the donut store, I cried. That morning she comforted me and encouraged me with godly counsel. I will never forget what she said, "Amanda, God has a plan for your life." It stuck with me and I believed her. I knew that God was big enough to have a plan for my life, I just didn't know why it had to be so rough right then. Then there was the year that I didn't make Class Council. I had been voted on the year before and the next I wasn't. She called me when I got home from school to find out the results and once again she said something I will always remember. "Amanda, we don't know why God chooses certain things for us. I know it hurts that you didn't make class council this year but God has a plan for you. Maybe there is going to be a fire in the school during a class council meeting and he doesn't want you to be at the school so he orchestrated something like this to protect you. Maybe he is trying to teach you something else. It may seem silly, but God has a plan for you and this does not mean no one likes you." She may not remember the walk to the donut store or the phone call we had that day but her words have never left me. After high school, we remained friends. While she was away at Texas A & M, I was living in an apartment all by myself trying to figure out this plan. She came to visit me in the summer and once again sat in my apartment listening to me cry over a broken heart. Once again, "Amanda, God has a plan for your life. He has the perfect husband for you." And once again, her words stuck with me.

At times I feel like that fifteen year old girl walking to the donut store. When troubles come, I feel like that sad girl all over again. The feelings I felt then, I continue to feel when I am hurting. But, thankfully the Lord uses Janna's words to remind me once again that He has a plan for my life. Sometimes I feel unloved, not needed, not liked, not wanted, not accepted. The walk to the Donut store comes back often. So many things from my past come back to my spirit when I am hurting. For so long I have been trying reject the pain and get rid of it and now I am trying to embrace it. God has a plan and maybe, just maybe the plan was the pain! The pain has produced many great things. Right now I am trying to press through and really listen to what God is revealing to me and I think that for me I have been given a revelation. If I will thank Him for this pain and thank Him for the past, then I can be free. Instead of putting so much pressure on myself to change, I need to embrace who I am. Those that don't accept me, I move on. Christ lives in me and anyone who does not accept me, rejects Him. (John 13) So, why am I putting so much stock in people. I have spent my whole life putting everyone's comments about me in the forefront of my mind. I have heard it from my family. I have heard it from friends. I have heard it my whole life and it has destroyed me because I have believed it. Since I have believed it, I have acted it all out and proved them right! But, it doesn't matter at all what they think. I am loved, I am accepted, I am chosen, I am needed, I am wanted! God will always choose me. He will always pick me to be on His team and He will always be there. His opinion is the only one that counts. He has a plan for my life!

As I try to matter in this world, I am also trying to like myself. God does have a plan for my life just like Janna told me fifteen years ago! I live just a couple of miles from the house I lived in and the donut store I walked to. It may be necessary to take a drive from that house to the donut store and hear God say, "Mandi, you are loved. You are needed. People like you. People love you. Your family needs you. Your family wants you. Your family loves you. I love you. Now you must love what I have created you to be."

Thanks for reading everyone. I don't have great writing to give right now but I do have great revelation from the Lord. As I hear His voice, I will share it with you. Thank you Janna, you made a difference in my life and in many others. I love your "guts" friend! I get that now! You really did love my guts and not everyone can love my guts but you did. Thank you for allowing God to use you. I think of you all the time and I need to make a trip to Austin! Kelly, let's go to Austin! :)

11 comments:

Christy said...

You do matter and I feel you are doing Gods will for your life.. he is using you in a great way. Thank you for following the leadership and having the guts to speak the truth! Thank you for being a friend.

Kaufee said...

Did you ever hear someone say when they stub their toe....oh it will feel better when it stops hurting or if you hit yourself in the head your toe will stop hurting....
You know how it is when you get a splinter....your whole body reacts to that little piece of wood it hurts so bad but when it comes out you would never know it was there. Pain is a natural normal thing but constant pain is not. There is acute pain and chronic pain and they are both treated very differently. You have chronic pain that comes from a long time ago that God is healing and destroying the infection that started that pain. Your acute pain is to assist you in your healing of your chronic pain and is only for a moment....for the night and joy will come in the morning. You are enduring the pain for a reason but it will only be for a season. God has already made you what He wants you to be-you just need to see that splinter, pull it out and you will never even remember it in the first place. Accept yourself and it does not matter what other people think at all. You're are pleasing to Him. Your sweet spirit ministers to me when I see you and in your blogs. I love your guts....and you didn't have to do anything, ask me or pay me.

kaufee said...

Sorry, but one other thing. When people tell me God has a plan for my life.....it always is said as if it is coming...something in the future. God has a plan for your life but how do you know you may be following his plan for your life now....a plan is something thought of carefully, written down, practiced, started on a solid foundation etc etc.....something to think about.

Dionna Sanchez said...

Amanda -
Your post really touched me. I could feel your heart pouring out. Do you know that Satan attacks those he fears the most? Maybe your pain has been great - because he fears you and what you can do and be for the Lord - whole and clean - without it.

Kelly Ann said...

The trip is already in the works!! Just one question...kids or no kids??

I love you!
Kelly

Erin said...

Amanda, hang in there -- I know sometimes it's hard to see the 'big plan' when things in the now hurt. But it really does exsist, and bigger and better is always waiting!

Amanda said...

Kelly, NO KIDS! I think Janna would go insane! Hey, wouldn't be fun to have a break anyway!!!

janna said...

amanda, thank you for your kind words. it is encouraging to know that God is at work and is using us in eachother's lives, even today. it is easy to think that God can only use us when we are at our best, but it seems that all we need to be is willing. know that you have been a blessing and an encouragement to me in my life, too. amanda, kel, come visit--with or without kids. :)

Sarah H. said...

That was SUCH an honest post amanda! (I hope you don't mind me keeping coming to your blog..)

Yes, God DOES have a plan for your life.. You've no idea how much He's using you through this very blog.

2 Corinthians 12.

Sarah.

mighty minne said...

Wow ! Amanda that is so wonderful. God was with you all those years much like me. He especially blessed you with such a beautiful friend. I was lucky enough to learn very early that only GODS opinion counts but it was hard. I still to teach my husband that it should not matter what others think. Anyway, I think you are a wonderful inspiring person. I really can see God in your life just by reading your words. Take care!

Minnie said...

You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. Especially the part about needing to go through the pain.

Thanks for sharing, friend! :o) I miss you!