It's an illusion

Last night I couldn't sleep so I laid in bed and watched an episode of Oprah that I had recorded on the DVR/TiVo. I like to record her shows so I can watch them later when nothing else is on. A lot of the time she has very interesting, real life situations on the show. Some of you may not like her but I do enjoy her show. The episode from yesterday really hit home with me.

"Today we're exposing lies that millions and millions of people are living every day." On the show was a twenty-four year old girl that was obsessed with Hollywood and celebrities. She looked at all of the magazines to see what they were wearing, what they were driving and even what kind of dogs they had. This poor girl spend over $165,000 in clothes, shoes, purses, dogs, pet carries, designer pet collars and more! Through out the interview Oprah explained to her about how this life in Hollywood is all an illusion. Behind the clothes, behind the designer hand bags, there is pain. When we see pictures of celebrities, it's the kodak moment. But we have no idea what is going on behind the smile. We don't take pictures of bad events. When I look back at pictures when Josiah was first born, I see pictures of me holding him and smiling from ear to ear. One day I was showing those pictures to someone and the person commented with, "You look so happy." Honestly, I was miserable. He was colic, I was afraid, he was crying ALL of the time, I was too. I looked at my friend and said, "Behind those eyes was a terrified new mother lacking hours and hours of sleep!" The picture was an illusion.

Then the second person on the show was a stay-at-home Mom. The lie she was living? Everyone thought she had the perfect marriage. When the world looks at this Mom they see a Mom who is married to a Doctor, a Mom that has a big house, a big SUV, two kids that play soccer and a perfect family. But, it was all an illusion. This wife/mother had been unhappy for years in her marriage but no one knew. She said when they were in public, they put on smiles and showed affection to each other, they acted. When they got home, they went the separate ways. Sex? Maybe once a month she said. I wanted to explain to this girl how much she needs Jesus!

How many people do you know living a lie? Maybe you are one of them? Why are we so afraid to let others see the truth? Pictures don't tell the truth. They do show happy occasions but they don't show what's on the inside. Then we make the mistake of wanting to be like others when God created us to be ourselves.

For any of you that read my blog and think that I have the perfect life, let me tell you I don't! I want God to use me for what I am and what's on the inside. I think if you read my blog on a regular basis you will see that I definitely don't have it all together. The pictures may cause you to think otherwise but don't let it fool you. I do have a wonderful husband and two wonderful children. I love them dearly. I am happy with the life I have but I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle with being discontent. I encourage you ladies, to be real!!!! Don't try to make everyone think your life is perfect. God CAN'T and WON'T use perfection!

Here's the truth...

My husband and I had a really bad fight yesterday. We love each other but we have a lot to work on. I have even called him names.

I have an addiction to clothes and buying clothes for my kids. I have gotten better. I have to because we don't have a lot of money.

I sometimes feel that if I don't have cute hair, cute clothes, a singing voice, that I won't be anything.

I am insecure a lot with my body.

I have CELLULITE. I have stretch marks.

I have yelled at my three year old.

I have struggled with smoking. When I get really stressed out, I want to smoke. I don't know why. When I got depressed and was single and lived alone, I bought some cigarettes. Sounds weird, I know.

We don't have a lot of money. I have to do things to try to make extra money for spending.

I lived in a mobile home in a trailer park growing up.

I failed the seventh grade.

So, there you go! Now none of you will think I have the perfect life. And for those of you that think I am crazy for being so honest, too bad. I may kick myself tomorrow but now that it's out there, you know that I am just a real woman. I live in a beautiful neighborhood, with a beautiful house and a beautiful family, but my life is not perfect and may I NEVER make you think it is.

Thank you Jesus for all the things you are doing in my life. I love you.