Wednesday, April 19, 2006

It's an illusion

Last night I couldn't sleep so I laid in bed and watched an episode of Oprah that I had recorded on the DVR/TiVo. I like to record her shows so I can watch them later when nothing else is on. A lot of the time she has very interesting, real life situations on the show. Some of you may not like her but I do enjoy her show. The episode from yesterday really hit home with me.

"Today we're exposing lies that millions and millions of people are living every day." On the show was a twenty-four year old girl that was obsessed with Hollywood and celebrities. She looked at all of the magazines to see what they were wearing, what they were driving and even what kind of dogs they had. This poor girl spend over $165,000 in clothes, shoes, purses, dogs, pet carries, designer pet collars and more! Through out the interview Oprah explained to her about how this life in Hollywood is all an illusion. Behind the clothes, behind the designer hand bags, there is pain. When we see pictures of celebrities, it's the kodak moment. But we have no idea what is going on behind the smile. We don't take pictures of bad events. When I look back at pictures when Josiah was first born, I see pictures of me holding him and smiling from ear to ear. One day I was showing those pictures to someone and the person commented with, "You look so happy." Honestly, I was miserable. He was colic, I was afraid, he was crying ALL of the time, I was too. I looked at my friend and said, "Behind those eyes was a terrified new mother lacking hours and hours of sleep!" The picture was an illusion.

Then the second person on the show was a stay-at-home Mom. The lie she was living? Everyone thought she had the perfect marriage. When the world looks at this Mom they see a Mom who is married to a Doctor, a Mom that has a big house, a big SUV, two kids that play soccer and a perfect family. But, it was all an illusion. This wife/mother had been unhappy for years in her marriage but no one knew. She said when they were in public, they put on smiles and showed affection to each other, they acted. When they got home, they went the separate ways. Sex? Maybe once a month she said. I wanted to explain to this girl how much she needs Jesus!

How many people do you know living a lie? Maybe you are one of them? Why are we so afraid to let others see the truth? Pictures don't tell the truth. They do show happy occasions but they don't show what's on the inside. Then we make the mistake of wanting to be like others when God created us to be ourselves.

For any of you that read my blog and think that I have the perfect life, let me tell you I don't! I want God to use me for what I am and what's on the inside. I think if you read my blog on a regular basis you will see that I definitely don't have it all together. The pictures may cause you to think otherwise but don't let it fool you. I do have a wonderful husband and two wonderful children. I love them dearly. I am happy with the life I have but I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle with being discontent. I encourage you ladies, to be real!!!! Don't try to make everyone think your life is perfect. God CAN'T and WON'T use perfection!

Here's the truth...

My husband and I had a really bad fight yesterday. We love each other but we have a lot to work on. I have even called him names.

I have an addiction to clothes and buying clothes for my kids. I have gotten better. I have to because we don't have a lot of money.

I sometimes feel that if I don't have cute hair, cute clothes, a singing voice, that I won't be anything.

I am insecure a lot with my body.

I have CELLULITE. I have stretch marks.

I have yelled at my three year old.

I have struggled with smoking. When I get really stressed out, I want to smoke. I don't know why. When I got depressed and was single and lived alone, I bought some cigarettes. Sounds weird, I know.

We don't have a lot of money. I have to do things to try to make extra money for spending.

I lived in a mobile home in a trailer park growing up.

I failed the seventh grade.

So, there you go! Now none of you will think I have the perfect life. And for those of you that think I am crazy for being so honest, too bad. I may kick myself tomorrow but now that it's out there, you know that I am just a real woman. I live in a beautiful neighborhood, with a beautiful house and a beautiful family, but my life is not perfect and may I NEVER make you think it is.

Thank you Jesus for all the things you are doing in my life. I love you.


Kaufee said...

Sounds to me like you are experiencing life. If I listed my "things" the internet would be old fashioned...that is how long it would take. We all have "things" and we all have "illusions" and we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. He teaches us to be content Mandi but it sure is fun to shop and get "stuff". What I want most of all is the "stuff" God gives me and that is life. Be content today in God. I appreciate your honesty. IF more were as honest as you, including me just think what that would change.

Dionna Sanchez said...

You know what Amanda? I just like you all the more after that post. Your flaws make you more relateable - and you are right. Jesus used very flawed people in the Bible.

Christy said...

Girl, that took guts! I admire you for being so real and honest... I KNOW I have issues.. thank GOD he is working on me.. he isn't finished with me yet! This is why I keep reading your blog - you speak truth and I can allow the Lord to deal with me in areas I may not see myself. I am just so thankful that God forgives our mess... the second best part of it is Jesus can use people who are real and want to change! May I always see I need change and take the blindfolds off! Thank you Jesus for speaking today, I praise you. I pray I can always be what you have created ME to be! How can I help others unless I have been there myself!

Anonymous said...

that was good.

I am so with you...
I am not perfect either and neither is my marraige - espcially right now.
I love that you did this - I am may email you later all my flaws.

This really took guts and I appricaite you for doing it!


Anonymous said...

Send me your email address -
here is mine

PEZmama said...

To me, the quality I find most endearing in others is a willingness to be real, and not feel ashamed about their mistakes or weaknesses. (Of course, not to wallow in them, but to learn from them... and thereby encouraging others to also grow from their weaknesses.)

So, what I am trying to say is that you have endeared yourself to me through your honesty. Blogs are such an easy way to make us look perfect. Thanks for resisting that urge!

Amanda said...

Pezmama, you said it best about the urge. There are a lot of blogs I don't read for that very reason. I have posted things before only to delete later. I know God wants me to always be honest, always. I can't pretend to be a perfect wife and Mom. I just can't!

Kelly Ann said...

Dear friend I am proud of you! After all of our talking, I am more sure than ever that authenticity is the way to go!

I Love You!

Amanda said...

Kelly Ann, this is why our relationship has stood the test of time. THANK YOU for never giving up on me. If you can love me when I was 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 years old, you sure as heck can love me at 30! I am way better than that 18yr old clueless girl! You my friend encourage me every single time I see you. I am so enjoying our online bible study too. It's getting DEEP! Don't you just love the book of John?!

mighty minne said...

Awesome post Amanda!! You know its funny that exact thought crossed my mind about you. You look so happy and your family is so beautiful in your pictures. I know deep down you guys are human too and not perfect but I tend to focus on the positive...unless I am down of course. Anyway I know for sure I may not have the perfect life.... but I can honestly say I love it. I love my husband & children and I can honestly say that my marriage has gotten stronger. I would love to go out and be able to buy things that I desire but I know they are not things that I really need.ary thing.... so that makes it all the easier to avoid. I have really enjoyed reading your blogs.

Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

Your post really hit home. I (for instance) do not have a perfect life, and do not intentionally post that I do. However, when you blog it is SO easy to focus on the good than the bad and the ugly. Therefore, give others (even on accident) the impression that you have the perfect life.
What a great reminder. I need to post my secrets too. (You knwo what I mean, my "I'm not perfect..." like you did)

Dionna Sanchez said...

Amanda -
I edited my last blog post to answer your question. :)

Gwen said...

That was an awesome post! It did take courage to write that stuff out and you should be proud of yourself for being so real! We are all human and we all struggle!

You go girl! Great post!

PEZmama said...

I linked to this post here:

check out number 1018.