The past few days have been kind of down for me. I have spent time in God's word and felt empty. Each day I have wanted to write a blog and I have prayed as I always do for the Lord to speak to me.
But, nothing comes. It seems that there are times when He is speaking to me through every single thing going on in my life. I love how He speaks to me! He gives me real life examples to apply to my life. He shows me in ways that I will understand and then He gives me the ability to use it to speak into other's lives. I love writing, I love being used by God to comfort His children. Someday, I desire to write a Bible Study and an actual book. I know it will happen, I know it's my destiny. But, for now I write my first pages through my Blog. It has been an outlet for me, it has been healing for me.
I recently read a person's blog that said some things that bothered me. This person talked about how no one cares that much to have to scroll down and squint their eyes to read a person's blog. They even came up with a name for a someone's blog like mine, a Blovel. So, I guess that's what I am, a Blovelist. It kind of brought me down as I read this entry on this person's blog. I don't know if he/she has ever read my blog, hopefully not because they would hate it. He/she posted words with cruel intent. It really hurt my spirit. My husband said, "Who cares what they think!" True, but for some reason it bothered me that someone could be so ugly. The whole idea of a blog is to write about what YOU want to write about and if you don't like to scroll down or squint your eyes to read, you don't have to read it. I will never use this blog to ridicule someone's purpose and my purpose is to minister through my blog. Then I went to another blog where a Mother was sharing her experiences as an Adoptive Mom and one of her postings had forty-four comments of hate. Women ridiculing her for adopting, women who were birth mothers that hated adoptive mothers. Someone had also attached a porn site to her blog. All of the postings were by women and of course all anonymous entries. So the past few days, I felt kind of sad over some of the things I have seen in the blogging world. My readers would never know this because I remove the comments if they are mean, but I have even had vicious comments sent to me over my postings. They are sent anonymous because the person does not wish to be revealed. That's probably best. I wish I did not let people hurt me so easily but they do.
It seems that I have just felt empty lately. Even though I have spent time with God and spent time in His word, I have continued to feel empty. We all have times like that, it is perfectly normal. But, this morning I realized why. Through out my life, I have had experiences where others have tore me down. They have said and done things that I can't believe and I have always had a hard time just letting it go. I am a a fighter! I like to fight for what I believe in because I have had to much of my life. I'll fight for you in prayer, I'll fight for your reputation, I'll fight for your dream because I have had to do the same in my own life. But at times, this is exhausting because the motivation for my fight is because of what YOU have said about me. But this morning, God reveals something to me again that I have to change. Again! I have to let go. I have to let go of the voices in my head that tear me down. I have to let go of those that have hurt me. I have to let go of the disapproval. I have to let people go. I have to embrace who I am and where I have been and if YOU don't like that, then I have to let you go.
I pray every day that God can use my weakness, my transparency and my pain to show others how awesome Jesus is. A very special person said to me yesterday that "Making Jesus famous here on earth is our goal!" I love that! I thought about that all day long. So, that's my prayer! Through my blovel, I pray that I can make Jesus famous!
Hey, and let me warn you now that if you don't like to squint or scroll down several times, you don't want to read my blog. As I prayed this morning that you would find Jesus through my writing, I read one that helped me. I needed this more than I knew. It's called Let It Go, and that's what I am praying I can do.
Thank you to my faithful readers. I pray for you and I feel HONORED that you would take time to read my entries. My grammar will not always be perfect. Actually it will never be perfect. My words you may not always understand or agree with but I pray that God will always give me words to share and help you in your walk.
14 comments:
You and me-we'll both be blovelists together and not worry about those people! Any chance you remember which blog the adoptive mother was on? Stay strong! :o)
Well, I know I'm disappointed when I go to your sight and you have not posted that day. I NEED your blovels. I think that's a cooler word than blog. I'm your mother and YOU inspire me. It's sad that people feel the need to put others down to elevate themselves. How UN-Christlike! Remember, He prepares you a table and seats you in the presence of your enemy. Your are at the table -- enjoy! I love you. Mom
Well, thank you so much Mom. Someone just emailed me and said, "Are you okay? You haven't blogged." I don't think anyone was trying to personally attack me, and again I don't know if they have read my blovel but it bothered me. But, I need to get over it because it really doesn't matter. That's what you have taught me!!
Mandi-Mandi! You are so precious and so loved! Your the greatest blovelist in the world! I have faith in you and what God has in store for you is huge! Think of Proverbs 14:22 "Do not those who plot evil go astray? But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness." Your blovels are all about sharing the good news. Don't let those people whose only intent is to slam those their jealous of. Your blogs are inspirational and uplifting and I've seen where so many have learned from what you write. You "let go" girl and just keep on keeping on!! Just remember you are loved!!!
I check everyday, several times a day to see your new blogs, because they are meaningful to me. I NEED them, Amanda. Your words your thoughts, your love speaks to me in so many ways. I've said it before and I'll say it again, we are very much alike. What you have struggled with in the past, the things you struggle with now are all some of the same things I struggle with. I look to your blog for inspiration and because of our alikeness, your words will speak to me. I love you, I need you and I need your blogs. I am your friend and I care about what you have to write and if you love me back you will forget about what others say and concentrate on what your friends NEED you to say.
Write to your friends sweet lady, speak God to us!
Just felt the need to send you a hug.
I have been busy and not had a chance to read for a few days - I am sorry people discourage you - just know that there are people like ME out there who NEED to read your blogs - I was referencing a blog you wrote the other day where you talked about how you had tried to "force" things like relatioships and jobs etc in your life - and when you finally let go and let God you found HIS plan was MUCH better- well hadit not been for your blog i probably would not have noticed I was doing that very thing in my life - I have been trying to force some things to work and now that I am letting go and moving on - I think God has a different better plan - I know HE does. Please don't let others discourage you - I need your words.
I will email you personally later the "force" thing I was doing -.
Have a great night!
Nancy
Oh thank you Shelley, I needed that.
Amanda, I will never stop reading as long as you keep writing. I tell you, I have been a different person since entries from a few of the blogs I read daily... they encourage me and so many days I have smiled because of the way God has spoken to me personally thru something that you have written. Infact, one day I was praying specifically about something and BOOM it hit me like a ton of bricks.... I don't know if you and I will ever meet her on this earth but I feel a kindred spirit with you from the way the Lord speaks thru you and I know one day we will meet in heaven. Keep dreaming those dreams and being obedient because God is going to finish the work he has started in you. I also know what blog your talking about and Gwen is only being hit so hard because she too is being used by the Lord. God has brought her to my mind several times... I shared her story with my husband and I have been praying for her. We need to bind together thru prayer for her and the enemy will flee.
Add me to the list of avid readers of your blovel! I may not post all the time but I come daily...sometimes many, many times a day to see what you have to say! I love what you write and the way you write it! You can tell that each blog is inspired by God and His word never goes void! You are an inspiration to so many and I love you!
Look at all of the people who read, enjoy and even LOOK FORWARD to what you have to say. God is using you, but as I've said before, when we feel we are being attacked it means we are doing something right. I know this blog was not aimed at you but Satan used it to try and bring you down. Don't let him have the victory.
Focus on all of us who read and love your blog. Forget that one person, you don't know, that probably has never even visited your blog.
You are a blessing, an encourager and and instrument of the Lord Almighty! If His is for us, who can be against us!
Stay strong...and keep writing...we'll keep reading from beginning to end, BECAUSE WE ENJOY IT!
Not everyone loved everything Jesus did either. We sometimes may not be happy with what God does either.........or what time He does it. You just got a little wind in your hair, reminds you what you are doing for Him. I know you and you can rise above that for sure. The enemy does not want you to minister......rest assured that you are doing God's work.....any road block means you should do it more cause the enemy is getting mad about it. Sounds great to me....make him more mad today Mandi!!!You may fill empty but how can God fill you when you are full..........He is making your vessel bigger so that you can hold more....I know it. Your dreams are within reach now. The prayers I have prayed for you are being answered one by one. Ask Him for what you don't have...you have not because you ask not. Think about it. Love you.
I JUST ran across your blog this morning, and I am enjoying reading it. It's the encouragement I need.
Kristina
I say blog on, if others do not likeit, they do not have to read it. You are inspiring, passionate and a minister to those in neeed. Continue to hear the voice of God and allow him to drown out the other voices of the negative.
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