The past few days have been kind of down for me. I have spent time in God's word and felt empty. Each day I have wanted to write a blog and I have prayed as I always do for the Lord to speak to me.
But, nothing comes. It seems that there are times when He is speaking to me through every single thing going on in my life. I love how He speaks to me! He gives me real life examples to apply to my life. He shows me in ways that I will understand and then He gives me the ability to use it to speak into other's lives. I love writing, I love being used by God to comfort His children. Someday, I desire to write a Bible Study and an actual book. I know it will happen, I know it's my destiny. But, for now I write my first pages through my Blog. It has been an outlet for me, it has been healing for me.
I recently read a person's blog that said some things that bothered me. This person talked about how no one cares that much to have to scroll down and squint their eyes to read a person's blog. They even came up with a name for a someone's blog like mine, a Blovel. So, I guess that's what I am, a Blovelist. It kind of brought me down as I read this entry on this person's blog. I don't know if he/she has ever read my blog, hopefully not because they would hate it. He/she posted words with cruel intent. It really hurt my spirit. My husband said, "Who cares what they think!" True, but for some reason it bothered me that someone could be so ugly. The whole idea of a blog is to write about what YOU want to write about and if you don't like to scroll down or squint your eyes to read, you don't have to read it. I will never use this blog to ridicule someone's purpose and my purpose is to minister through my blog. Then I went to another blog where a Mother was sharing her experiences as an Adoptive Mom and one of her postings had forty-four comments of hate. Women ridiculing her for adopting, women who were birth mothers that hated adoptive mothers. Someone had also attached a porn site to her blog. All of the postings were by women and of course all anonymous entries. So the past few days, I felt kind of sad over some of the things I have seen in the blogging world. My readers would never know this because I remove the comments if they are mean, but I have even had vicious comments sent to me over my postings. They are sent anonymous because the person does not wish to be revealed. That's probably best. I wish I did not let people hurt me so easily but they do.
It seems that I have just felt empty lately. Even though I have spent time with God and spent time in His word, I have continued to feel empty. We all have times like that, it is perfectly normal. But, this morning I realized why. Through out my life, I have had experiences where others have tore me down. They have said and done things that I can't believe and I have always had a hard time just letting it go. I am a a fighter! I like to fight for what I believe in because I have had to much of my life. I'll fight for you in prayer, I'll fight for your reputation, I'll fight for your dream because I have had to do the same in my own life. But at times, this is exhausting because the motivation for my fight is because of what YOU have said about me. But this morning, God reveals something to me again that I have to change. Again! I have to let go. I have to let go of the voices in my head that tear me down. I have to let go of those that have hurt me. I have to let go of the disapproval. I have to let people go. I have to embrace who I am and where I have been and if YOU don't like that, then I have to let you go.
I pray every day that God can use my weakness, my transparency and my pain to show others how awesome Jesus is. A very special person said to me yesterday that "Making Jesus famous here on earth is our goal!" I love that! I thought about that all day long. So, that's my prayer! Through my blovel, I pray that I can make Jesus famous!
Hey, and let me warn you now that if you don't like to squint or scroll down several times, you don't want to read my blog. As I prayed this morning that you would find Jesus through my writing, I read one that helped me. I needed this more than I knew. It's called Let It Go, and that's what I am praying I can do.
Thank you to my faithful readers. I pray for you and I feel HONORED that you would take time to read my entries. My grammar will not always be perfect. Actually it will never be perfect. My words you may not always understand or agree with but I pray that God will always give me words to share and help you in your walk.