Wednesday, August 16, 2006


Last night I was unable to sleep. Around midnight I finally fell asleep. At 1:45am, I was awake and I figured out what it was that had me feeling so restless. Worry. I was worrying so much that I could not sleep, I could not rest. It was more than worry, it was a state of being bothered, irritated and confused. There is nothing more irritating than tossing and turning in bed. Pregnancy does that to me a lot but not at four months! So I asked God to clearly show me all that was weighing on my mind. I knew some of what was bothering me but the Holy Spirit can always unravel things for me in a way I am unable to. Also the Lord brings comfort and solutions so I poured my heart out to Him. At 3am, I was awake again. Then at 5am, wide awake! I kept praying and began to focus on praying instead of focusing on trying to go to back to sleep. Well, I have been up ever since!

It's now about 12:45pm and I feel like I did when I was a teenager after attending an all night "Lock In" with my youth group. I hate this feeling! My kids finished lunch, now they are sleeping. It's my time to sleep too. But when I laid down, I could not rest. It's like my adrenaline is pumping or something. So since I like to ask God questions, I decided to ask him these! "Why am I feeling this way? What is wrong with me Lord? Is there someone I am supposed to be interceding for? Am I supposed to be praying?" I instantly felt like the Lord wanted me to open up His Word and read. So I did. This is what I read.

Psalm 16
1Keep me safe, O God,for I have come to you for refuge. 2I said to the LORD, "You are my Master! All the good things I have are from you." 3The godly people in the land are my true heroes!I take pleasure in them! 4Those who chase after other gods will be filled with sorrow.I will not take part in their sacrifices or even speak the names of their gods. 5LORD, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.You guard all that is mine. 6The land you have given me is a pleasant land.What a wonderful inheritance! 7 I will bless the LORD who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. 8 I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. 9No wonder my heart is filled with joy, and my mouth[
a] shouts his praises!My body rests in safety. 10For you will not leave my soul among the dead[b]or allow your godly one[c] to rot in the grave. 11You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.
I love reading Psalms and Proverbs and sometimes when I am not sure where He is directing me, I will start there and read the day that coincides with the current day of the month. I started this when I was thirteen years old and still do it at thirty years old. Today's Psalm was exactly what I needed. Last night, the Lord was instructing me. I understand it now. I can clearly see what He was trying to show me. Wow! I serve such a personal and loving God. He cares for me, He loves me, He speaks to me. This passage comforted me, he reminded me of His love and care for me. After reading Psalms, I read Proverbs 16.
1We can gather our thoughts, but the LORD gives the right answer. 2People may be pure in their own eyes, but the LORD examines their motives. 3Commit your work to the LORD, and then your plans will succeed. 4The LORD has made everything for his own purposes, even the wicked for punishment. 5The LORD despises pride; be assured that the proud will be punished. 6Unfailing love and faithfulness cover sin; evil is avoided by fear of the LORD. 7When the ways of people please the LORD, he makes even their enemies live at peace with them. 8It is better to be poor and godly than rich and dishonest. 9We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. 10The king speaks with divine wisdom; he must never judge unfairly.11The LORD demands fairness in every business deal; he sets the standard. 12A king despises wrongdoing, for his rule depends on his justice. 13The king is pleased with righteous lips; he loves those who speak honestly. 14The anger of the king is a deadly threat; the wise do what they can to appease it. 15When the king smiles, there is life; his favor refreshes like a gentle rain. 16How much better to get wisdom than gold, and understanding than silver! 17The path of the upright leads away from evil; whoever follows that path is safe. 18Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. 19It is better to live humbly with the poor than to share plunder with the proud. 20Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the LORD will be happy. 21The wise are known for their understanding, and instruction is appreciated if it's well presented. 22Discretion is a life-giving fountain to those who possess it, but discipline is wasted on fools. 23From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive. 24Kind words are like honey--sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. 25There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death. 26It is good for workers to have an appetite; an empty stomach drives them on. 27Scoundrels hunt for scandal; their words are a destructive blaze. 28A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends. 29Violent people deceive their companions, leading them down a harmful path. 30With narrowed eyes, they plot evil; without a word, they plan their mischief. 31Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life. 32It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city. 33We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall.

While Psalms brought me comfort today and reminded me of God's love, Proverbs reminded me of how much I need His instruction and counsel. This passage was exactly what I needed to read. So I pray that as I curl up in my bed and try to sleep that the Lord will allow this to truly penetrate my heart. I want to "get" what He is trying to show me. Oh how I need my sleep but I need to hear His voice even more.


Lela said...

I started reading your blog about 2 months ago, and yours and others have added another dimension to my life!I so enjoy your long posts!My husband read your post with me last night. We said for you to be 30 and know what you know and not be bitter and forgive, only God could get you to that point.I'm 43 and I'm learning from you, to pray all through the day. I'm left pondering some of your writings. And when you wrote that bridges made you nervous, I related and it felt good to know that someone knows what I feel.

Amanda said...

Okay, I just got online and saw your comment. I love your name. Also, I have to tell you that your comment really blessed me. I give God all the glory because it is only through Him that I have been able to forgive. It is only through Him that I can write on this blog and touch the lives of others. I so want to be a vessel and daily I pray about my blog and how I hope God can use me. Wow, your husband read with you. I always feel like my long posts would have a man bored to tears. That makes me smile. THANK YOU. Thank you for encouraging me. You have surely blessed me today!

Karen said...

I believe God wakes me up in the night just so I will spend time with HIM alone. I heard someone say one time that when we can't sleep, don't count sheep == talk to the Shepherd. He longs to spend time with us. He loves us. Psalms are always a source of comfort for me and they are also instructional. God will give you rest and that's better than sleep.

luv u

Dee said...

Sad to hear you are unable to sleep; I find that sometimes though, this is when God will choose to reveal some wonderful things to me or sometimes, it is me, I just need to focus on Him. I pray that you will continue to look through the Psalms and find comfort. I never cease to be amazed that David would cry out to God in the depths of adversity, but maintained his faith. If nothing more, we can see God DID AND WILL carry us through!!!