Sunday, November 06, 2005


For some reason, Sunday nights tend to bring me down a little. Especially tonight! It seems like the past six months have been filled with many lessons from the Lord. It is so heavy on my heart right now and I know God is wanting me to press through. It all started with us leaving a church that we truly felt was our home. God began to show us things in our spiritual journey that He wanted us to change and those things could not be changed without us closing that chapter in our lives so we were obedient and left the church. Many things went into our decision but more than anything it was God's wisdom that He gave to us through His word, His Holy Spirit and through someone very Godly who gave us counsel. It was hard but it was a huge relief. As Christians I think we can make our church our God and we loose sight of what church is truly supposed to be about. Today I think back to a year ago and what was going on in my life. For the first time in my life, I felt truly loved, truly accepted and truly needed. Those three things everyone longs to feel, I do believe. A year ago I had just been given a baby shower by a group of girls from church. It was an incredible day honoring me and my daughter. If you would have told me then that all of those I was surrounded by would no longer be a part of my life today, I would have thought you were insane. But, it is true. When big, life changing events happen in your life, you want to be surrounded by those that will always be there. You want to be able to look back at pictures of those events and see faces of friends that are still beside you today. Sadly, it does not always turn out that way. Think about it. How many of you would go back and change who you chose to be in your wedding? I would. Seasons bring about many changes in our lives and when a season ends, often friendships do too. For six months I have hurt. For six months, I have been angry. For six months, I have been confused. For six months, I have been closed off to the idea of making new friends. Not only did we leave a church but we put our house on the market, it sold in three weeks and we moved about forty miles away. Obviously God was ready for us to relocate! There is not one bit of doubt that we are where we are supposed to be. I know that we were obedient to what the Holy Spirit showed us He wanted us to do. Many argue over whether or not people truly "hear" from God but I can tell you that we heard from God like never before. He has brought confirmation after confirmation and blessed us with His power in our lives like we never inagined. I continue you to struggle with my feelings and I grieve over the way things were handled. There was a day when I always had someone to go to the mall with and I no longer have that. As a stay at home mom, I need other women and I have not had that in quite a while. But I have not sought it out and I am beginning to feel like I am almost ready to seek friendships again. This season of change has been one of spiritual, relational and geographical. At times it has been more than I could bare so I have just held onto Jesus and gotten to know Him even more that I did when I lived in Little Elm. That little town was a chapter I will never forget but one I am truly ready to close once and for all.

Thank you Lord for your constant love, I feel it. I pray that you will continue to heal my heart and please give me wisdom in choosing friends. Help me not to hold on too tight or give away my heart too soon. May you be the center of my life and not people. I pray that I can be an answer to someone's prayer. I pray that you will use me to show someone how much they are truly loved, truly accepted and truly needed. Teach me to have true friendships and nothing but. I am truly seeking you out Lord, I need you so much. Thank you for not giving up on me. I love you.

1 comment:

Minnie said...

Amanda, You are such a treasure and I am so glad I have met you and have been blessed to get to know you. I know from personal experience what you are going through and how hard it is. God is healing your heart and He can't do it if you aren't focused completely on Him. When we surround ourselves with our social life and our friends (godly friendships or not) it is hard to maintain that ability to be still in front of the Lord on a continual basis. I know you are going to get through this season of your life triumphantly and you will look back one day and see how God was working on you and molding you into an even more extraordinary person. I am praying for you!
XXOO ~ Min