Thursday, June 29, 2006

Has anyone noticed?

If any of you have had your hair long at some point in your life, then cut it, then decide to grow it back, you know it's a grueling process. The in between stages are dreadful! When my daughter was born I made sure my Mom knew that I was NOT cutting Ava Beth's hair for a very long time. When that time comes, it will ONLY be a trim! She won't have bangs, no way. Her eyes are way too pretty and it's so much easier to just pull it out of her face with a cute hair clip or bow. I had to get this point across to my Mom because she is a hair stylist and she is the one that made sure I had the "Dorothy Hamill" haircut when I was four years old. She likes to cut! In High School, my hair was long. Then soon after graduating and starting college, I cut it off pretty short. Soon after that I cut it really short, almost like Annie Lennox short. Remember how Annie used to have her hair really, really short? Well, that was me! It was fun, it was hip, it was different from everyone else. Then I went to Beauty School and my hair got even funkier! During that time I met Jeremy, my precious, sweet, well groomed, conservative, polished, clean shaven husband. As we began dating and looked over old pictures of each other, I made the mistake of allowing him to see one from High School. What is it with men and long hair? Well, he asked me if I would grow it out? He fell in love with me when it was super short so it wasn't like he was not happy with who I was. He just preferred longer hair. To his defense, my hair was almost as short as his. So for the past five years of our marriage, we have gone through many changes with my hair. It's been blonde, red, brown and red, red and brown, blonde with red and brown and now it's blonde with a few lowlights and dark brown underneath in the back. Does that make sense? So now I'm blonde and my hair is long. Well, long to me and to anyone that has known me between the ages of twenty and thirty.

Finally after several months, I can put my hair in a pony tail, pig tails and my new thing I have started a few days ago, the claw clips! It's wonderful!!!! I have always felt with short hair that I have to "fix" myself up or get prettied up before I can do anything. But now I feel like a real Mom! Just throw my hair back in a little ponytail and I'm good to go for any Wal Mart! I can now wear a baseball cap and not look like a boy! But, here's the deal. It's really not long. I still have to use some hair spray to keep it all back and a couple of bobby pins on top for my bangs because it's not all one length. Those stray hairs that fall down will drive you crazy! But I am getting there and people are noticing. "Amanda, your hair is getting so long." Even my Doctor said yesterday, "Wow, your hair looks great! It's long!" Then I can't forget the stylish teenager at church that walked up to me on Sunday and said "Hey, I love how you fix your hair." Wow. If she only knew how much that made my day! Oh and my sweet Jeremy is really liking my hair and lately I have just felt a little prettier and that's a nice way to feel. Every Mom wants to feel pretty! Every woman for that matter!

So what's the point to all this hair stuff Amanda? Right? Well, I have been working through some things in my life lately. Some character flaws that need to be sanctified! At times I wonder if anyone notices how God is moving in my life? Kind of like my hair growth. Does anyone realize how much it's grown? Can't they tell that I have refrained from my usual haircuts? Then when someone says something that lets me know they have noticed, I get excited. I feel like my work is being seen by others and that to me is progress. But what about my spiritual growth? Are people noticing? Do my friends and family see progress? Do the ones that truly know my junk see that I am changing? One thing I know I am much better at is my need to control. I love being in control and when I loose it, I struggle bad. I used to lay down all kinds of rules when my kids went to visit grandparents. "Josiah only gets chocolate milk for breakfast." When Ava Beth was a baby I would tell my Mother in law and my own Mother, "Don't give Ava Beth big people food! Only baby food!" I am sure those two women could tell you a ton of rules I passed out after dropping my kids off. (Mom, don't share any. Please.) And I am sure that most of the time they didn't follow my rules but as long as I thought they did, I was fine. Then I worried about how the Grandmothers would dress the kids. I didn't want them to go to church looking dorky so I packed the suitcase with notes and put the outfits in order. Yep, control freak! But, I don't do that anymore! In fact, I drop them off and pretty much say nothing. It's noticeable to me, it better be noticeable to them! Even though it's not fun to admit, I will say that I was much tougher on Jeremy's Mom. But we've worked through a lot and instead of blaming her for things, I had to look at myself. That was hard. That was tough. That was a difficult process for me. But Praise the Lord, I have changed so much! My hair is longer and I'm not as bossy as I used to be!

It's nice to look back at pictures and see my hair short. It shows me that my hair has come a "long" way in this growing out process. It's just as nice, although embarrassing, to look back on Amanda and how I used to be. I have grown. I have lightened up! I have chilled out so much. I have to pull back a few stray hairs with some bobby pins or use a little hair spray to keep it all up in the ponytail or claw clip, but not very many. My attitude reverts back to the old days sometimes and I have to remind myself of who is in charge of my life and my kid's life, but not as much as I used to. There's growth, there is change and I just pray it's noticeable.

(Tonight I have a girl's night with my friend Laura. I haven't seen her in over a month. Will she think my hair looks longer? She better!)


momteacherfriend said...

We haven't cut little girls hair either. Just before she was born I observed my friends daughters. One of them was nearing kindergarten and going through hair crisis. She had had bangs and as she grew the baby hair kept growing in and pushed her bangs all the way back to the crown of her head. I decided then and there DD was not going to have bangs. Now at 2 1/2 her hair is long and the baby hair keeps coming in, making a nice little line of natural bangs. It's great.

I liked the analogy. It is pretty evident that you have grown and continue to grow in Him. I am sure many people have noticed.

Blessed Beyond Measure said...

Hello Amanda, thanks for visiting my site. Thought I'd stop by and say hey. Enjoyed your post on your hair; we've all been there. Loved how you connected it to how youre growing spiritually. I've journaled for years and one of the best benefits is I can go back and see how I've grown, and how I havent. Whats still an issue after all this time. Great tool for measuring whether I'm growing or not, almost as good as hairstyle changes.

laura said... this is funny!! The conversations we had, and not knowing about this at all...crazy!! Girl, I see changes, not only in your hair, but I noticed a happier more confident Mandi! That was so much fun tonight (although I'm stuck on the couch with my bottle of "tums" from that wonderful Chile Rellenos). We need to do that more often, and next time include more shopping! It's very evident your walk with the Lord is growing more and more each day. You have been my inspiration to keep in the Word and live my life according to God's will...keep up what you've been doing and God will continue to bless you! Can't wait for another "Girls nite out!!" Much Love, Laura

Amanda said...

Lo, that was so fun tonight! As much as I ADORE Esparzas, I had no idea it would be so packed tonight AND my stomach is giving me trouble too. Next time we will eat and shop in the Southlake Square! I can at least go to the GAP! I told Jeremy about that guy at Esparzas but I don;t think he believed me. And thank you for saying all that you did on this comment. You know me WELL so that means a lot! I love you Lo! You are beautiful inside and out.

Barb said...

You're so sweet, Amanda. I've noticed your comments on my blog and I swear, I've been so busy (my life gets crazy) I'm just getting time to let you know I appreciate you visitng me and commenting.

You're beautiful. Period. So whatever you do with your hair is unimportant. The only thing that matters if if YOU like it. Have to feel good about yourself first you know.

I read your profile. Amazing. I'm addicted to decorating. Always have been. I suspect I could have made a career out of it.

And...ask anyone in my's been a tradition in my house for years and years...when we decorate the Christmas tree, Christmas Vacation is required background. Period. It's my second favorite Christms movie, my first being A Christmas Carol with George C. Scott. But I LOVE that movie.

And this is amazing. Nicholas Sparks is one of my favorite authors. My favorite is Message in a Bottle but I have ALL his books and I love The Notebook.

Hmmmmm....I'm almost twice your age but we seem to have lots in common.

Amanda said...

Barb, you sound so fun! Thank you for coming to my blog! Your family is a famous blogging family!

My husband makes fun of me because I actually have a touch of Christmas in every area of the house. I even had a little Christmas tree in the guest bathroom! He calls me "Clark" because I get so excited about Christmas.

You need to read Francine Rivers! She is an amazing writer!

Can't wait to read more of your blogs! I am still jealous that you live in Colorado!

Kellie said...

Love your hair. I have always wanted really short hair. But my hubby likes long hair too.

Gwen said...

OH...I had the Dorothy Hamil haircut as well but I was a little older at the time. I think I was around 7 or 8. My parents loved that cut!

Mike loves long hair too which is why I have always worn it pretty long. I don't know what it is with men and long hair either!!! LOL!!!

V. said...

I like mine long enough to pull back too.

There was a time about 7 years ago that I was a hairdressers dream....I said "cut it all off and make it platinum blond". So she took my virgin brunette hair and bleached it..and cut it...I loved it! If it didn't cost me $100 every six weeks for roots touch up, I would probably still be blond...hey, your mom doesn't want to move to Winnipeg and adopt me does she?

Thanks for making the everyday something to make us think about...!


Barb said...

We call my husband, Rob, Clark. And I suspect my new almost son-in-law is going to get the same name. They both go nuts with the lights. Actually, with Aaron (son-in-law) it may even be more serious. You should just see the tacky lighted yard displays he does.

I added Francine Rivers to my authors to check out list. Next tri to Borders. Thanks for the tip. get to know you better, I tagged you to do the 7 Things About Me meme. Run over to my site to get the info.

The Sweet Diva said...

Just for the record, I never thought you looked like a boy with your hair short. I always thought it was SUPER cute! I think longer hair will be a fun change for now. Greg has never known me to have long hair either. I did warn him though, when I did have long hair it was very TEXAS! Obviously I am trying to do the grow it out thing too. Ugh!

Amanda said...

Well hello Richelle! I can't believe it! So, when are you going to have your third? Come on, just do it!

The Sweet Diva said...

Oh dear... I am just fine with 2 right now. I don't know if I have the patience for 3 right now. And then I really freak out when I think about all the different things they will be involved in and I will have to drive them to.... ugh, see I am already stressing out just thinking about it.