If any of you have had your hair long at some point in your life, then cut it, then decide to grow it back, you know it's a grueling process. The in between stages are dreadful! When my daughter was born I made sure my Mom knew that I was NOT cutting Ava Beth's hair for a very long time. When that time comes, it will ONLY be a trim! She won't have bangs, no way. Her eyes are way too pretty and it's so much easier to just pull it out of her face with a cute hair clip or bow. I had to get this point across to my Mom because she is a hair stylist and she is the one that made sure I had the "Dorothy Hamill" haircut when I was four years old. She likes to cut! In High School, my hair was long. Then soon after graduating and starting college, I cut it off pretty short. Soon after that I cut it really short, almost like Annie Lennox short. Remember how Annie used to have her hair really, really short? Well, that was me! It was fun, it was hip, it was different from everyone else. Then I went to Beauty School and my hair got even funkier! During that time I met Jeremy, my precious, sweet, well groomed, conservative, polished, clean shaven husband. As we began dating and looked over old pictures of each other, I made the mistake of allowing him to see one from High School. What is it with men and long hair? Well, he asked me if I would grow it out? He fell in love with me when it was super short so it wasn't like he was not happy with who I was. He just preferred longer hair. To his defense, my hair was almost as short as his. So for the past five years of our marriage, we have gone through many changes with my hair. It's been blonde, red, brown and red, red and brown, blonde with red and brown and now it's blonde with a few lowlights and dark brown underneath in the back. Does that make sense? So now I'm blonde and my hair is long. Well, long to me and to anyone that has known me between the ages of twenty and thirty.
Finally after several months, I can put my hair in a pony tail, pig tails and my new thing I have started a few days ago, the claw clips! It's wonderful!!!! I have always felt with short hair that I have to "fix" myself up or get prettied up before I can do anything. But now I feel like a real Mom! Just throw my hair back in a little ponytail and I'm good to go for any Wal Mart! I can now wear a baseball cap and not look like a boy! But, here's the deal. It's really not long. I still have to use some hair spray to keep it all back and a couple of bobby pins on top for my bangs because it's not all one length. Those stray hairs that fall down will drive you crazy! But I am getting there and people are noticing. "Amanda, your hair is getting so long." Even my Doctor said yesterday, "Wow, your hair looks great! It's long!" Then I can't forget the stylish teenager at church that walked up to me on Sunday and said "Hey, I love how you fix your hair." Wow. If she only knew how much that made my day! Oh and my sweet Jeremy is really liking my hair and lately I have just felt a little prettier and that's a nice way to feel. Every Mom wants to feel pretty! Every woman for that matter!
So what's the point to all this hair stuff Amanda? Right? Well, I have been working through some things in my life lately. Some character flaws that need to be sanctified! At times I wonder if anyone notices how God is moving in my life? Kind of like my hair growth. Does anyone realize how much it's grown? Can't they tell that I have refrained from my usual haircuts? Then when someone says something that lets me know they have noticed, I get excited. I feel like my work is being seen by others and that to me is progress. But what about my spiritual growth? Are people noticing? Do my friends and family see progress? Do the ones that truly know my junk see that I am changing? One thing I know I am much better at is my need to control. I love being in control and when I loose it, I struggle bad. I used to lay down all kinds of rules when my kids went to visit grandparents. "Josiah only gets chocolate milk for breakfast." When Ava Beth was a baby I would tell my Mother in law and my own Mother, "Don't give Ava Beth big people food! Only baby food!" I am sure those two women could tell you a ton of rules I passed out after dropping my kids off. (Mom, don't share any. Please.) And I am sure that most of the time they didn't follow my rules but as long as I thought they did, I was fine. Then I worried about how the Grandmothers would dress the kids. I didn't want them to go to church looking dorky so I packed the suitcase with notes and put the outfits in order. Yep, control freak! But, I don't do that anymore! In fact, I drop them off and pretty much say nothing. It's noticeable to me, it better be noticeable to them! Even though it's not fun to admit, I will say that I was much tougher on Jeremy's Mom. But we've worked through a lot and instead of blaming her for things, I had to look at myself. That was hard. That was tough. That was a difficult process for me. But Praise the Lord, I have changed so much! My hair is longer and I'm not as bossy as I used to be!
It's nice to look back at pictures and see my hair short. It shows me that my hair has come a "long" way in this growing out process. It's just as nice, although embarrassing, to look back on Amanda and how I used to be. I have grown. I have lightened up! I have chilled out so much. I have to pull back a few stray hairs with some bobby pins or use a little hair spray to keep it all up in the ponytail or claw clip, but not very many. My attitude reverts back to the old days sometimes and I have to remind myself of who is in charge of my life and my kid's life, but not as much as I used to. There's growth, there is change and I just pray it's noticeable.
(Tonight I have a girl's night with my friend Laura. I haven't seen her in over a month. Will she think my hair looks longer? She better!)