Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Something to write about

It's nice to feel liked and nice to be missed. Thank you for your sweet comments concerning my "break" from blogging. I did not really mean that I would be taking a sabbatical or a long break from writing like some of you thought. Instead I was just trying to make sure that blogging was the not the driving force in this Stay At Home Mom's life. So here I am today with something to share. My husband is home early and has given me some time to myself. Not a whole lot has happened since last Thursday but as you know, I always have something to write about!

Almost one year ago, we moved forty miles across the Metroplex. Since moving we have driven back to our old part of town only a couple of times in order to visit old friends. With those drives we have discovered that we were always meant to live where we live now. In fact, last week I asked my husband a question that has me pretty stumped. "Why did we ever live there?" His response. "We were stupid." As soon as we got married we began planning for the future like most newly married couples do. We decided to build a house! After moving into our newly built home, we got pregnant with our son. I stayed home with the baby so I did not have to worry about a commute. However, my husband was driving over an hour just to get thirty miles across town. This area we lived in has now been said to have the worst infrastructure in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. Not only was he spending too much time commuting but our families were way too far. I don't know very many people that live close to grandparents but just the idea of knowing that we could was enough to send us back to where we came from. Today my husband drives about twenty to twenty-five minutes each way, a far cry from the former drive to work. Grandparents? Well, we have a date night every single Friday night. Need I say more? I love where we live. I love my house, I love my neighborhood, I love my next door neighbor Mary Jo (she lets us swim in her pool!), I love my city, I love being close to all of our family, I love being close to good restaurants, good shopping and so much more. Almost one year later, I am still so happy to be right here. But there is one area in our lives that we continue to struggle to find contentment.

Soon after moving, we knew that the hunt for a church was top of the list. But as most of you know, looking for a church is draining especially when you have kids to check in at the nursery. We knew what we didn't want but we weren't sure what we really needed. Tired of trying to figure it out, we chose to go to church with my Mom and Step-Dad. We knew that the Pastor was known for his teaching. We trusted my parents and decided to go with them and soak up all that we could. In the mean time we made some great friends but one difficult thing remained, the location. It doesn't take us that long to get there but the thirteen miles that we drive puts this church a few cities away from ours. As a teenager my family lived down the street from our church home. That was important for me because those that we in my youth group were also in my classes at school. It created accountability for me in many ways and some of those relationships that I made in my youth group have remained a very important part of my life. (Right, Kelly Ann?) Attending church with those that were in my community was a must at that time. Now I wonder if that is true for this time in my life now. Should our place of worship be close to our home?

We driven a great distance for work. We drive to other important events. But for a growing, young family like ours, is it important to go somewhere close by? Also I have to say that now with us expecting a third child, I need more women in my life. Right? Or is it enough to have a couple of close friends that encourage me along the way? Is it best to have a network of close friends outside of church? I don't know anyone at my church that lives anywhere close to where we live. When I tell someone the city we live in, they wonder how we ended up at their church. Even though it really isn't far, it's not close. I won't lie! A part of me is selfish and I want to be close to those that I go to church with when this baby comes. I want to have sweet ladies bring food over and call me from the grocery store to see of there is something I need. Or maybe I would be more inclined to get out and take the kids places if I had women close by to rally around me. Right now I feel like having three kids so close in age will have me at home by myself all the time. Those that I have talked to at the church about this have a hard time seeing my point of view. Most don't have kids my age and they live within minutes of the church. Then there is my Mom who loves seeing her grandkids every single week and I love having them at church with us. It's nice to send one of them or both of them home with her on Sundays. My parents drive thirty miles and they don't complain. But, they don't have little kids either. Then there is the fact that my little brother and his family are moving here from Seattle in August and they will be attending the church too. They also have a baby due in November so it would be nice to be at church with all of the family. But a huge, annoying fact remains, I am lonely. I want to be a part of the church, I want my kids to be involved. I don't want to drive thirty minutes just to take Josiah to VBS. Selfish? I don't know. That's the journey I am on right now. Some people we knew back at our old church has just recently moved here. We have really connected with them and our kids have become really close. They keep trying to get us to visit a particular church with them. Then my really good friend Kelly Ann also goes to this particular church and has for over a year. It's five minutes from our house and is covered in Moms my age with kids the same age as mine. My instant reaction is to go visit. But, I don't know if the easy route is the best. My mom would be sad, I would be sad not being at church with them and I think we would really struggle with not having the Pastor that we do right now. His teaching keeps us holding on. Is that enough?

What does my husband think? Well, he thinks that I need to be happy but he is not sure what to do. And I have not brought it up to him since the last time we talked about it over a week ago. This is big for me too! I have kept my mouth shut so he can hear from the Lord. I don't want to manipulate Him. I know that if I complain and whine enough, I will get him to do what I want. That's not what I want.

So there you go, something to write about! I would appreciate your prayers. We need them.


Kelly Ann said...

I have been praying for you in this area. It is SO hard to know what to do! I am proud of you for allowing Jeremy to hear from the Lord. I have such a difficult time not being Alf's 'holy spirit'! I know that God will bless you in this! I would LOVE to have you with me, worshipping together, growing together in a church family, but most importantly I want you where GOD wants you. A place where your family can grow perfectly in Him. I love you, girl!!

Kelly Ann

Seeker4Christ said...

Amanda, good for you keeping your mouth shut! I know just what you mean! I am having to keep my mouth shut with my husband as he isn't getting ANY quiet time right now with his new job. It is so hard not to "play the Holy Spirit" as Sarah (momteacherfriend) has told me before. We just have to remain quiet, trust God and pray that the Lord's will be done and leave it to His timing. Quite hard for us who are big communicators, right? I will be praying for you. I have been in your situation before. It is a big deal to feel that people you go to church with are your "close-knit family".
Lord, I just pray for Amanda and her family right now. Fill them with your peace, Lord. Speak to Jeremy's heart as to your will for the family and where they are to go to church. Holy Spirit, I pray that you will speak to Amanda's heart, that you will put a guard before her mouth so that she will not nag and whine to her husband. Allow her to remain with the knowledge that her husband is seeking Your will with this issue. I pray that you would provide close girlfriends for Amanda to get to know on a deep level, Lord. Lord Jesus, its her hearts desire to have ladies to reach out to for help through this pregnanacy and beyond. And I believe she also would help them as well. I thank you for what you have already done in their lives, Lord, and I pray that you would continue to move in a mighty way in their household. Thank you for your salvation. Thank you for a healthy pregnancy and I pray that you would help Amanda on the days that she struggles with the "morning" sickness. Calm her stomach, Lord Jesus. Give her Your Almighty peace in her spirit. Allow her to rest in You. Amen.

momteacherfriend said...

I stand in agreement with Seeker.
Lord, let your will be done. Your voice heard. Supply a peace that surpasses understanding. Give wisdom and understanding to Jeremy. Bring Godly women into Amandas life, we thank you for the friend's she does have and ask that you meet all needs, physical, emotioal and spiritual i nher life right now. In Jesus Name. Amen

Gwen said...

Amanda it's funny because I'm going through something very similair. I have written on my blog about a church that is just starting out that we have been attending. It is a wonderful place that I have felt a pulling to call home. The problems are...they are not in our area meaning my children would not go to school with those children, they are very very small and do not offer the wonderful things for children that bigger churches offer. I recently sent my kids to VBS at a church here in our neighborhood because this church is not big enough to have one. I kept looking at all the wonderful opportunities at that church and wondering if I am doing the right thing. Especially where my daughter is concerned. She declares she is not happy at church because there is nothing for her. If we went to the church in the neighborhood she would attend school with these same children. So...not to take over your blog...lol...but I'm battling the same thing and waiting on the Lord to answer prayer.

Minnie said...

Praying for you.

Storms said...

Well Amanda, I'm not your age and I have no kids but I do know that I love you. I'm not much help to you in this area bc we are in different stages in our lives but I am praying for you and whatever happens with where you attend church. Where ever you decide to go, our church or another one, I do hope that we continue to talk. You're wonderful and I love ya!

Kellie said...

When I was young we went to a Christian School that was 11 miles and 30 min away. Then we went to a church that was 13 mi and 30 min away. None of the kids at school went to my church. It ended up being a blessing for me. I was so awkward and weird that at school I was a geek but at church I felt like I could be myself without worry. I still didn't have many friends, but the others didn't tease me as much.

It was mostly regarding what we believed. The school was hard core Bob Jones theology. No dancing, no movies or TV, absolutly no rock music, no lifting hands in priase. Church was concerts and veggi tails. Praising GOD with joy and dancing. So I really come from a different background as you.

I still have a hard time making friends. I desire a friend that I can talk to everyday. That I can share stuff with. Whenever people come to my house I get really excited. Whenever the phone rings I act like a teenager and yell, "I got it." I too am lonly in that case. Whenever I think about it I can't list very many friends. I feel like I am too old now to find anyone who doesn't already have close friends. Bla, bla ,bla. Sorry to make this a downer. That was not my intention. I have a problem with our church's child program and that is keeping me from being comfortable with our church. We also drive about 30 min now. I did not want to go to this church but it was the only place that my DH would go and I wanted him in church so here we went. We have stayed and it is good just way to big. 2000 to 4000 on one Sunday. Whew. My exclimation point and my number nine button are not working sorry. My old church maxed at 500.

Well dear, I love that we all come from different places in or lives yet GOD can use each of us to support each other. I love you and I pray for you frequently. I will be praying for your peace where you are. GOD will be glorified.