The phone rang a little while ago and it was a friend that asked what I was doing. I explained that I was sitting at the computer trying to post my blog on Galatians 2. "Oh, so you are in the Jesus mode right now?" I guess I had never thought of it that way until she asked. I answered her question with, "Well, I am trying to be in the Jesus mode." The Jesus mode? How often am I truly in the Jesus mode?
Unfortunately, this week has been a difficult one for me. I really struggle with pushing through those moods when they do come. For some reason it's easier to stay in my funk than get out! I know it will pass. I know it will get better! I know that this cloud over my mind will be lifted. It's during these times that I have to continue trusting HIM. Do you ever wonder if God approves of you? Well, I do. But I have to remind my self that Jesus reigns in my life and I have HIS favor!! So it does me no good to sit around and ponder that thought!
I happen to read someone's blog this morning that listed thirteen things that they love about their husband. It sounded magical. It sounded like they had the perfect marriage. I know they don't because it's not possible. But I could sense in her writing that there was true peace in their home and in their relationship. But this is the relationship I struggle with the most. Even now my pride wants me to delete this and allow you to think that I am madly, deeply, in love with my husband. But, that's not truth. I love him. I really love him. I can't imagine my life without him. But I long for that "in love" feeling. I want to crave him emotionally and especially physically, but right now I don't. Both of us have no idea how to have a healthy marriage but we need to learn. I don't want my children to grow up in the same kind of environment that both of us did. They won't! Right? Isn't that what we tell ourselves!? My kids will never live in what I lived in! But when I get mad and slam my bedroom door as hard as I possibly can, I have already broken my word.
So much on my heart today. So much I want to change. I long to truly be friends with my husband. I know he adores me, I know that he loves me. I trust him, I believe him. But right now, I don't like him.
This has nothing to do with Galatians chapter two. But our five year Wedding anniversary is coming up and I am not content with how we are doing things now. We need healing from both of our pasts! We need a touch from God, a big one! I read the chapter this morning but I really have nothing to give you except what's in my heart. So, there you go!