Friday, May 26, 2006

Galatians 2 and so much more

The phone rang a little while ago and it was a friend that asked what I was doing. I explained that I was sitting at the computer trying to post my blog on Galatians 2. "Oh, so you are in the Jesus mode right now?" I guess I had never thought of it that way until she asked. I answered her question with, "Well, I am trying to be in the Jesus mode." The Jesus mode? How often am I truly in the Jesus mode?

Unfortunately, this week has been a difficult one for me. I really struggle with pushing through those moods when they do come. For some reason it's easier to stay in my funk than get out! I know it will pass. I know it will get better! I know that this cloud over my mind will be lifted. It's during these times that I have to continue trusting HIM. Do you ever wonder if God approves of you? Well, I do. But I have to remind my self that Jesus reigns in my life and I have HIS favor!! So it does me no good to sit around and ponder that thought!

I happen to read someone's blog this morning that listed thirteen things that they love about their husband. It sounded magical. It sounded like they had the perfect marriage. I know they don't because it's not possible. But I could sense in her writing that there was true peace in their home and in their relationship. But this is the relationship I struggle with the most. Even now my pride wants me to delete this and allow you to think that I am madly, deeply, in love with my husband. But, that's not truth. I love him. I really love him. I can't imagine my life without him. But I long for that "in love" feeling. I want to crave him emotionally and especially physically, but right now I don't. Both of us have no idea how to have a healthy marriage but we need to learn. I don't want my children to grow up in the same kind of environment that both of us did. They won't! Right? Isn't that what we tell ourselves!? My kids will never live in what I lived in! But when I get mad and slam my bedroom door as hard as I possibly can, I have already broken my word.

So much on my heart today. So much I want to change. I long to truly be friends with my husband. I know he adores me, I know that he loves me. I trust him, I believe him. But right now, I don't like him.

This has nothing to do with Galatians chapter two. But our five year Wedding anniversary is coming up and I am not content with how we are doing things now. We need healing from both of our pasts! We need a touch from God, a big one! I read the chapter this morning but I really have nothing to give you except what's in my heart. So, there you go!

21 comments:

V. said...

It's on days like this when you know you can't rely on feelings.

You KNOW who God wants you to be in your marriage. You KNOW the countenance and attitude God wants you to have. Satan wants you to think about all the things you are not.

Do yourself a favor and don't fret, don't worry, don't think about it. Set your mind on Jesus. Worship Him and only Him and He will change you!

I say this as someone who is just learning this for myself. I'm praying for new revelation for you today.

God Bless you and your household!

Storms said...

So that friend....I kinda like her!! The "Jesus mode" is something we should always be in but it's definitely something that's hard to do. Well at least for me at times.

I have never been where you are right now with the whole marriage thing or even a relationship thing. There's nothing that I can tell you except that I love you and I'm praying for you Amanda. Just know I'm here if you want to call me.

I haven't read yet but I will let you know when I have. Love you babe!

Kellie said...

Momteacherfriend and I were talking about the study and you. She said and I totally agree that you are so real. We both admire you for just putting it out there. I think it will be a great awakening for you and your husband. I can't always tell my hubby what I feel but I can tell my mom or other friends. And now you have it written where he can see it. He will get an understanding of you beyond your understanding.

Galations 2
Paul said he got in Peter's face because he was clearly in the wrong. I was just struck at how human these men of our faith were.

Amanda said...

Ladies, we have so much going on right now so I probably won't tell him about this post. He doesn't read my blog unless I tell him I really want him to. He is never on the computer. I know, seems weird! But he my hard working UPS man and could care less about the internet unless he is looking up fishing reports!

Minnie said...

Man, I can't count how many times I have said that same thing about my kids having it different and broken my own word by slamming that same exact bedroom door in anger. In fact, the wall between the bedroom door and bathroom door has been patched up because I threw a book at it during a fight and it knocked a hole in the Sheetrock.

I love how you are so real and so transparent, Amanda. You will never know how much that helps so many women. Women who are terrified to share that their marriages aren't perfect for fear of judgement and fear of complete exposure.

I am praying for you, my friend.

mighty minne said...

Amanda, I can relate. I know I have posted thing about my husband (complaints mainly or things that he does that upset me)but I never stop loving him. I know what you mean when you say you don't like him right now...
I am sorry to hear things are a struggle right now but I will pray for the both of you. Just keep hanging in there.
As far as the reading "I read". I think we as christians always need to step up to the plate and set an example. For me, its hard to do ALL the time. Sometimes, I feel like not trying to do the right thing. Sometimes I WANT to be reckless. I have a hard time doing these things because I know better. However, I just pout and then get over it.

Seeker4Christ said...

First, to note, I read.

Second, thank you, Amanda, for your openness and honesty. It makes me feel like I'm not the only one who fights and struggles with my husband. Everyone else, thank you as well for your honesty. This study is already helping me in more ways than I can express at this point. I feel very connected and that somehow being the "newby" makes no difference.

Kathy said...

My email is jacked up again.....GOD our Father says HE knows the plans He has for us. I love you. I got your email.....I am so happy. I love you.....Men and Women do not feel the same, think the same, change the same nor do they want the same. Men think on the outside and Women think on the inside. Men look outside first, we look inside first......GOD WANTS THE INSIDE FIRST then He changes the outside. That is why GOD is perfect. That is why we think the same as God....because He used us first to impress man....because we impressed God. You can feel whatever you want and you don't have to like everything everyday. I love you more than marshmellow's and you are my fairy God daughter. Hot Kaufee is very proud of you. Even if you don't feel like hearing it. tee hee

Gwen said...

Girl I struggle with this too! We are going to celebrate 16 years of marriage in July and I am STILL going in and out of this phase!

I will say a prayer for you and your husband.

Anonymous said...

Been there felt that! Still feeling like you feel right now at moments - you are not alone ;o)) I know you know that from the many post today.

We are all here for you!

I have not read yet ;o((

Bible is on my dresser just waiting for me to read...

Love you girl!
Nancy

Kelly Ann said...

I read & I love you!

Christy said...

I am praying for you and got your email.I am calling you this weekend, promise!

Sarah H. said...

i read!

Uhm Amanda, totally ignora that e-mail I sent you!

Definately not the most appropriate moment to talk about it though I WOULD like to hear about it eventually.

I'm really sorry, très inconvenient !!

Be Blessed!!!!!

momteacherfriend said...

Amanda...I think I have told you before....we have much in common! I will email soon. Keep being real!

The last verse of the chapter really stood out to me. It is highlighted from yesrs past but it still really says it well.
...for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!

What a reminder that is not by our own doing. Not by us dotting all our i's or crossing all our t's. We can do everything "Right" and still not obtain righteousness.

Lord, thank you for your grace! Thank you that you came for the Jews AND the gentiles. I praise you for your goodness. Righteousness comes from you.

Elizabeth said...

I read. :) And I feel the same way at times also about my dh. And it will be 15 years for us on June 1st.

mrsfish said...

Thank you for being brave enough to be honest. We share so much on our blogs, and in person -- but why is it so hard to be honest about our struggles in our most important human relationship. I have been married 18 years. My husband is my best friend. I think we have a strong partnership. But there are aspects of the relationship I wish I could change. Things I long for that for the life of me I don't know how to fix. Deep hurts. I am not the wife I want to be. I don't think admitting that, or walking through it means we are not seeking God's vision. I pray very hard that God would heal and bring to us a closeness surrounding him that I see in others. But to deny their are issues in a marriage is not honoring to God. Deceipt is not honoring to God. Also, celebrating what is good, is not hiding that there are things that could be better. I think we as women need to give each other permission to do both and embrace and support each other instead of judging and comparing.

I enjoy you blog.

Larry Dean said...

Amanda...I've always loved your honesty and your willingness to seek the Father's face. And like Paul you're not fraid to get in a few faces if need be. Prov 11:25 a gernous man prospers and he who refreshes others willbe refreshed... i know you don't "feel" it but trust that rivers of living water are flowing out of you...be good girl...

Karen said...

I read.

2:16 -- it's all about faith in Jesus -- not our works. We beat ourselves up when we think we don't have enough "works". There are days when we "slam doors" etc. But, it's still all about our faith in Jesus.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS pray for your husband. The more you pray the more you love. The effectual fervant prayer of a righteous man availeth much!

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS!

I love you
mom

Amanda said...

Wow, these comments have blessed me beyond measure. I was obedient to what the Lord wanted me to write and this proves it! There is such freedom in being truthful with the world. Jeremy took me on a date last night. We do this every single Friday night. We had a great time!

Storms said...

I know I'm late telling you but I did read. I'm in Florida now and forgot to post last night.

I love you Amanda!

mommyofangels said...

I know how you feel. I love my husband dearly, in July it will be our 7th anniversary, but some days I want to just punch him in the stomach. Except this morning, I found that he had folded the clothes that were in the dryer. That was nice. I let him know it too. I'll be praying for you especially now that your hormones will be out of wack. I'll pray for your husband as well. Have you read Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying wife? Just a thought...